ON THE TRAIL OF LOVE LOST

PICTORIAL STORY

February 2, 2024

ON THE TRAIL OF LOVE LOST

Photography and story by Sasha Ivanov
Introduction by Melanie Meggs

Sasha Ivanov is not just a documentary photographer; he is a storyteller. Through his lens, he captures the lives of ordinary people and transforms them into extraordinary tales. Hailing from the beautiful city of Krasnodar in southern Russia, Sasha’s journey as a photographer began at a young age. But it was not until he moved to St. Petersburg and pursued higher education in journalism that he found his true calling in documentary photography.

His passion for capturing the essence of society led him to participate in various social projects as a photojournalist. But it was after he completed a documentary photography course at Docdocdoc’s School of Contemporary Photography that he truly found his voice as an independent documentary photographer.

Through his photography, Sasha captures the raw emotions and realities of individuals and communities, shedding light on important societal issues. He has a special interest in the portrait genre, capturing the essence and stories of people from all walks of life.

Sasha shares the heartwarming story of Lydia and Nikolai, a couple who met at a dance in October 1957. After four months of meeting, they tied the knot. Just nine months later, they welcomed their daughter into the world. What began as a serendipitous encounter, soon blossomed into a lifetime of love, companionship, and overcoming challenges together. Lydia, or “Lidochka” as her husband fondly called her, was a teacher. While Nikolai was a military engineer. Together, they lived a happy life in the Soviet Union and witnessed the tumultuous era of ‘Perestroika’ (a significant political reform initiative that emerged in the late 1980s within the Communist Party of the Soviet Union). As they approached retirement, they took up writing as a new passion. Lydia wrote poetry, and Nikolai wrote humorous opuses.

Unfortunately, in 2018, Lydia suffered a serious knee injury that left her unable to walk independently. But her devoted husband, Nikolai, took on the role of caregiver with unwavering love and dedication. He cooked, bathed, and exercised with her, determined to see her recover. And for two more years, they continued to live side by side, until Lydia passed away. Together, they had spent 62 years of love, laughter, and companionship.

Now, at 88 years old, Nikolai is learning to live independently after spending the majority of his life by his beloved Lidochka’s side. Through Sasha’s photo essay, we are given a glimpse into their extraordinary love story and the unbreakable strength and resilience of the human spirit.

Join us as we explore Sasha Ivanov’s heartfelt tribute to Lydia and Nikolai.

I met Nikolai and his wife, in 2018. Lidochka, as her husband affectionately called her. By that time, she had already suffered a knee injury and could not move around on her own. I worked as a volunteer for a foundation that supports World War II veterans. This support is largely not material, but spiritual. Attention to these elderly people is the main value. As I got to know this elderly couple, I was inspired by their enduring love for each other and their resilience in the face of challenges.

I quickly became a regular visitor to their home. I communicated with their relatives from France, helped with various tasks, and listened to their creative works. Lydia wrote poetry while Nikolai wrote prose. At that time, they had been living together for 61 years. Nikolai reverently cared for his wife. He bathed her, dressed her, did various physical exercises with her, invited friends over, and tried in every way to keep her in a good mood.

It was interesting for me to watch such an elderly couple from the sidelines. At that time, I was already dating my future wife. I could not imagine that people could live together for so long, go through so many trials, see such a different country, and stay together despite the challenges.

My grandmother was an invalid, and every Summer when I came to visit her, I would take care of her for several months. I would feed her, comb out her hair, and take her for a ride in her wheelchair. Perhaps the memories of my past allowed me to have a special connection to Nikolai and Lydia.

I learned of Lydia’s death from Nikolai almost immediately. Unfortunately, I couldn’t come to the funeral because I was overseas. I was very sad about not being able to support my friend at that moment. When I returned to St. Petersburg, I heard his story about how he had fed her scrambled eggs on her last night. How she had been taken away in an ambulance, and he had followed her. Finding her in the hospital corridor, he confessed his love for her, but she was already unconscious, though her eyes were open.

It was very hard for him at first. And I realized I just wanted to be there for him. To try to distract him from his sad thoughts. We began to read and publish his writings and go to museums, and concerts. That's when I realized I wanted to tell his story.

Together, we visited places that held special memories for Nikolai and Lidochka, and I listened to stories from his youth that revealed new facets of his character. I was in awe of his determination to live life to the fullest, despite losing his beloved wife. As I reflected on my own life, I realized how easy it is to take our loved ones for granted and how important it is to cherish each moment together.

Now, at 30 years old, I am happily married, and the thought of losing my spouse rarely crosses my mind. But Nikolai’s strength and perseverance have taught me the importance of living in the present and appreciating every moment with our loved ones. He may have lost his partner in life, but he has not lost his zest for life, and I am honored to tell his story.

Nikolai and Lydia. © Sasha Ivanov

At first, Nikolai had a very hard time accepting the new reality. He had way too much spare time that he did not know what to do about. Then, he started to digitize his short stories and put them on the internet. He follows his readers, responds to their reviews, and regularly meets new people. © Sasha Ivanov

Lydia and Nikolai used to spend a lot of time writing their works. Joint creative work helped them with battling and overcoming anxious thoughts. He used to say that Lidochka was living in two dimensions. One was where the poems would come to her, and the other – where she would write them down in flesh. Now he is reading those poems to their mutual friends discovering more and more meaning in them with every next time. © Sasha Ivanov

When at the dacha, the neighbors’ kids came to them to listen to the music records, play checkers, or organize a full-on concert with dancing and singing. It was always loud and merry; the house was full of life. In the evening, Lydia would sit down in that chair, combing her long grey hair preparing herself for sleep. Now, Nikolai loves to sit in this chair reminiscing about the good old days. © Sasha Ivanov

Archival photograph of Nikolai and Lydia. © Sasha Ivanov

Lydia and Nikolai. © Sasha Ivanov

Nikolai is in his apartment sitting on an inflatable ball. With the help of this particular ball, Lydia and he used to do exercises that the doctor recommended to her. Up to this day, he still does those exercises on a regular basis. © Sasha Ivanov

Before any official event, Nikolai would have to get shaved. All his tools are in their own places. He has many ties in his wardrobe that his wife once gave to him. She used to tie them for him before he would leave the house. © Sasha Ivanov

Nikolai wears ties to official events. He has many ties in his closet that his wife once gave him. She used to tie them for him before he left the house. Now Nikolai ties them himself. © Sasha Ivanov

For the last few years, they slept in separate bedrooms. Now, in his wife's bedroom, everything is in the same place it was the day Lydia died. Nikolai cleans it weekly. Looking at the order in the room and the presence of things, it seems that someone still sleeps in it every day. © Sasha Ivanov

The subject of Aivazovsky's painting that Nikolai is looking at is the wreck of a ship in a storm. He compares his present life to that ship. Lydia's death has become a storm for him - worries, doubts, desires to give up the fight. He survived that storm. © Sasha Ivanov

The photo was taken in Yelagin Island Park in St. Petersburg. It was in this park that they spent their younger years. They went boating, fed squirrels, and admired the Finnish bay. There is a blooming apple tree behind him in the picture. It symbolizes the arrival of summer and the beginning of something new and long expected. © Sasha Ivanov

The photo was taken in Yelagin Island Park in St. Petersburg. It was in this park that they spent their younger years. They went boating, fed squirrels, and admired the Finnish bay. © Sasha Ivanov

Nikolai is watching a recording of a concert Lydia took part in. In the mid-90s, Nikolai and Lydia joined the “Ostrovok” Club. It was a community of senior people, who organized amateur concerts and share their written work with the audience. At first, those were small-scale home concerts, but then they were given a facility at a local Palace of Culture. “Ostrovok” became an asylum for its participants where they could go to escape from the heavy though of that time. The club exists up to this day, and Nikolai takes an active part in its life. © Sasha Ivanov

Lydia’s dress is hanging on the crossbar, the one that can be typically fixed with special hangers in the doorway. One can move the crossbar lower or higher. When Lydia was still recovering from the trauma, she would approach the crossbar in a wheelchair, grab onto it with both hands and help herself up. It was a great warm-up for both the spine and the arms. © Sasha Ivanov

This was the bathroom where Nikolai had been helping his wife take a bath for the past two years. After the trauma, Lydia was not able to get into the bathtub by herself. To make it easier for her to overcome that obstacle, he installed a handrail. Later on, such handrails would also appear in the restroom and by the bed. © Sasha Ivanov

Now, he is learning to live on his own. He maintains an active social and cultural life, visits concerts, museums, and exhibitions. The art helps him to get distracted from his loneliness. The scenery brings him back to his childhood days that he had spent in a small village in Siberia. The portraits flatter him with a possibility to see a whole other life with the eyes of the ones pictured. The photo was taken in the main hall of the Russian Museum in St. Petersburg. The last time he had been there was over 20 years ago with his late wife. © Sasha Ivanov

Military build, always in time, looking sharp with his shoulders back – these were the manners he was taught first at the Military Academy and then on duty. Nikolai was an engineer for the strategic missile forces. During his service, he had been to several cities and countries. The life of a military servant means constantly being on the move. Lydia had always been by his side. She was waiting for him to come home, raised their daughter, maintained the household wherever they had to go while her husband was in service. © Sasha Ivanov

Every summer, Nicholai and his wife would ride their bicycles to the lake in the woods. There they would swim on hot summer days. These bicycles were made back in the 1980s. Now he doesn't need to keep two bikes. He is slowly taking his wife's bike apart and re-purposing the parts on his own. He uses the bike to go to the store, which is two kilometers from home. © Sasha Ivanov

In this fast-paced world where love seems to have become a fleeting feeling, Sasha Ivanov’s photographs remind us that true love does exist. Through his lens, we are taken on a journey of a couple who defied all odds and proved that love knows no boundaries of age or time. Lydia and Nikolai’s story is a testament to the strength of human relationships and the unwavering power of love. And it is through Sasha Ivanov’s lens that their love story will continue to inspire generations to come. So let us all take a moment to appreciate our loved ones and cherish every moment we have with them, just like Lydia and Nikolai did for 62 years.

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